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Last year, I told my husband that he would take charge of Christmas dinner. It was too much for me to do all the shopping, decorating, event planning, and organise a traditional festive meal! Instead, I left it in his hands and let it go.
He ordered some packaged holiday meals from a delivery company, and you know what? It was delicious! Prepped dishes that just went in the oven and tasted pretty much as good as the real deal. He cooked, I set the table. We all cleared up as a family afterward and played Uno.
Ultimately, I was able to spend the rest of Christmas vacation cooking the special dishes I love, without all the pressure.
Giving up stress and embracing beauty
This year, I couldn’t be less ruffled about Christmas. It’s a new stage in development for me; even in my childhood I was drawn into the seasons. After the dawn of the mommy blog and having my first child, I became determined to immerse our family in the beauty of the liturgical year.
Advent can feel like the most harried season, at the intersection of Catholic and secular culture. As soon as Halloween wraps up, the wrapping paper appears in shop windows and catalogues. Advertisements for seasonal decorations bombard users of social media. Christmas music blasts in the grocery store. Influences weigh in on how to have a meaningful, waste-free, homemade holiday. It can all feel like too much.
Apparently, I’m not alone: one study found that 62% of respondents experienced a significant rise in stress levels during the holiday season.
However, I’ve evolved from the time I was a green Catholic mother with my first baby, trying to do all the things before Christmas: pictures with Santa, Christmas caroling, cookie decorating, snowflake-cutting, salt dough ornaments, matching midnight mass outfits…
Don’t misunderstand, I love all of the above, but I’m letting go of the pressure to check off a list — I’m not Santa, after all!
The seasons were made for us
What if we treated Advent and Christmas the way we treat Sunday? As a time of rest. What if this expectant and joyous season is an invitation to embrace the growing darkness, to turn down invitations and overwrought planning, to draw the curtains and gather our families around us in warmth and quiet? What if Christmas was made for us, not us for Christmas?
This Advent, I’m leaning into peace with the Prince of Peace. I’m choosing to let things go, to prioritize some things and shelve others.
How I’m refocusing this Advent
We will still do the Advent wreath every Sunday, but I’m not going to hand-wring if we don’t get around to the Jesse Tree. I won’t be sending holiday cards to obscure acquaintances. I’m focusing on the elderly and homebound, people whose Christmases are enriched by my effort. I’m gifting consumables, store-bought chocolate or bottles of wine. Unfortunately, baking for friends and neighbors just makes me stressed. There is nothing particularly silent night-ish about a frazzled mother shouting at her children!
Every year, I’m overwhelmed by the influx of toys into our small household, things that my children didn’t ask for and don’t play with. That’s why I will have Santa bring one coveted gift, and let the grandparents do the spoiling. For the rest of the presents, I’m looking at books, board games, puzzles, and edible treats. Seeds and gardening implements will teach my kids patience and effort. It’s not just about me, me, me. These gifts will engage, not estrange.
And here’s a miracle: I’m actually looking forward to Christmas this year! I think of the things on my so-called to-do list as privileges, not commitments. I’m leaning into the season with nature, the way our ancestors did: resting after wrapping up the harvest, preparing to go into hibernation mode after the burst of summer activity.
When I re-frame the season as an invitation to rest, it becomes nurturing rather than another source of stress.
And today we celebrate...