These days getting married can be fraught with anxiety for lots of couples, and for a myriad of reasons. First, the costs can be exorbitant, stretching a couple’s finances — not a great way to start married life. Secondly, expectations. Sadly this can sometimes apply to both the couple and the guests. So much is expected from the day that it puts immense strain on both the bride and groom, and often the wedding party.
Thankfully, help is at hand with more realistic etiquette rules/guidelines to make the day a little more focused on what it’s meant to be about: the joining of two people in holy matrimony.
1
Less is often more
Due to social media, couples are inundated with images of the perfect wedding venue, with extravagant decor. Sometimes so much thought and money has gone into the detail that crucial elements get lost.
While you might have a Pinterest board crammed with beautiful ideas, strip it back to your most loved ideas, the most doable, and the least likely to break your budget. Guests will be focused on you, rather than the matching tableware and seat decorations.
2
Cars
Renting certain modes of transport to get to the church can cost a small fortune. And, what’s worse, most people don’t see what the bride arrives in. Unless you’re huge car fans or have a luxury or specialty car at hand, don’t bother wasting money on car rental.
3
Manage your obligations
The important thing about a wedding day is for you to feel relaxed and to make the most of it. If you’re not a dancer and you’ll spend most of the day dreading the obligatory first dance, then just don’t do it. You could set a trend and invite everybody onto the dance floor and dance together.
Speeches can also be a huge source of stress, especially for the introverts out there. And if it’s making you feel nauseous then it can really take the shine off the wedding ceremony. You can always take a different approach and pre-record a speech or recite a poem or prayer that is meaningful to you both.
You could also extend your obligations to your wedding guests. If there is anybody on the list whom you feel uncomfortable inviting, then really consider who you’ll be offending if they’re not invited, and any long-term implications. You want people there who will be supporting your couple and marriage.
4
Food fund… and drinks!
If you ever ask people what they enjoyed about a wedding, other than the actual ceremony and the couple, they’ll often mention the food, and whether it was good or bad. Therefore it’s an area to really make sure you get right.
However, as it’s one of the biggest costs at a wedding, it can really strain a budget. Therefore think carefully about having plenty of food for everyone, but perhaps try and keep things simple and less extravagant. After all, guests tend to prefer a delicious simple favorite than an overly-complex meal with highly-priced ingredients.
Another budget buster is the liquor bill. Sadly, guests tend to abuse the bar at a wedding, and this can lead to some less-than-graceful behavior. So it’s a good idea to think about how you want to keep your guests refreshed, and how much you’re willing to pay.
Consider providing a reasonable number of bottles per table during the meals (you can get help from the caterers to estimate that), and then you could put a certain amount of money behind the bar and when it’s gone, it’s gone. Lots of people don’t expect these days to have access to an endless amount of alcohol.
5
Who pays?
These days couples are getting married at an older age and are therefore more financially able to pay for their own wedding, or at least contribute a significant sum. Parents can always stipulate how much they’re willing (and/or able) to contribute and the couple can plan their wedding accordingly. In any case, the burden no longer falls on the father-of-the-bride to assume all the costs… thankfully for parents of multiple daughters!
6
Photos
The issue with photos is that they can take so much time. And it’s even worse if they happen to be taken outside on a really hot day.
Consider what photos you really want to have, and whether you’re happy to focus on the key party and have a more informal collection of the other guests taken by the wedding photographer during the day, or from guests themselves.
Whatever you decide, make sure there’s lots for guests to do while the official photo session takes place.
7
Break the rules
By this we mean don’t give your guests a whole list of rules of what is expected of them. On social media there are so many stories of brides being upset because a guest didn’t adhere to a dress code, or a guest complaining as the bride made unrealistic demands. Consider what your wedding day is truly about.
For you to have the happiest of days, and therefore to start your marriage off on the right footing, there should be one word in mind: joy. It’s the joy of being together and celebrating a couple, and not all the more superficial elements of a wedding we see so much these days.
Remember that while it is your special day, guests often have to spend a small fortune themselves to attend a wedding, especially if traveling from out of state. Be reasonable and kind. And don’t expect all your guests to behave how you expect, or for everything to run smoothly. If it all goes well, fantastic, and if it doesn’t, you’ll have something to laugh about when you celebrate your golden anniversary!
8
Show gratitude
Sending traditional thank you-cards is a must for any newlyweds. Don’t just send out a “thank you” on a WhatsApp group. Take the time and effort to write out a personalized card and send it to your guests. It doesn’t have to be an essay, but acknowledge the gift they have given (even if they went rogue and didn’t buy off the register!) and just say how thrilled you were that they could take part in your special day.
And today we celebrate...