Young adults are often berated for their lack of manners — although this can often be said of older generations, too! Yet, if you consider the fact that our children are growing up in a completely different society where the etiquette of yesteryear doesn’t make much sense, it is understandable children feel frustrated when they’re constantly criticized for their behavior.
As navigating your way into adulthood isn’t the easiest of tasks, it is vital to arm children with some essential manners that do make sense to them, and that are adapted to the lives and societies they live in today … while still upholding the values we deem important.
We have put together a list of essential manners, and how to address them in today’s world, that will help your child thrive:
1
Cellphone etiquette
Our parents don’t know how lucky they are that this hot topic wasn’t an issue for them! It’s important to remember that while cellphones are a cause of contention, they’ve also been so reassuring in allowing us to have easy contact with our kids when they’re not at home.
Sadly, the reality is that the vast majority of teens have cellphones glued to their hands 24/7, as they don’t want to miss out on anything. Once they are young adults you can’t exactly take phones off your kids, but you can guide them as to how they should best use them.
Of course you can say to put phones away for periods at a time in the day, and to not have phones at the table. What you should impress upon them is the need to put their phones down if someone comes to greet them or joins them in conversation.
You can also point out that active listening is a true art, which necessitates giving someone 100 percent of your focus. If they have a cellphone in their hand, they won’t be able to focus.
You can also give examples of people not behaving well with their cellphones in the adult world to really help them understand. For example, there’s nothing worse than being in a work meeting while someone is constantly looking at their phone. Many of us have had the experience of having to repeat what was already said because a coworker wasn’t listening!
However, we need to be realistic. Cellphones have given people access to us 24/7. If you’re expecting an urgent phone call, or if you receive a call from an elderly relative you’re concerned about, you might feel you have to answer. Kids are no different. So give them the script on how to deal with that: “Sorry, I have an urgent call I must answer, I’ll be with you in a minute” and then step away to take you call.
2
Meet and greet
Bearing in mind the issues with smartphone usage and addiction, it’s vital kids know how to react when they’re introduced to someone. This means making correct eye contact, smiling, and offering a “hello, GIVE THEIR NAME, delighted to meet you,” to offering a firm handshake if it’s appropriate (admittedly since COVID there has been a slight change in handshaking but kids could follow the lead of the adult they’re interacting with.)
3
Public transport
There seems to be confusion in society about what is basic good manners and kindness, and equality between the sexes. There are often cases on forums such as Reddit where people complain about a pregnant woman asking for a seat on a bus, with quips such as “it’s her choice to have a child.”
The point you want to make to your child is to be kind to everyone in need, whether it’s a pregnant woman or an elderly man. You can develop it further by sharing how we hold doors open for others as a common courtesy, because it’s a nice thing to do. It’s very simple.
You can also point out that cellphones and public transport don’t always mix well. People don’t want to hear details of your private life as you chat loudly to a friend on the phone. They also don’t want to hear videos playing from your phone. If everybody did that the cacophony of noise on the bus or train would give everyone a migraine!
You might also want to point out the importance of standing by the side of a door to let people off a train or a bus first before they climb on. It actually makes things easier for everyone and speeds everything up.
4
Treating others with respect
It’s often said we should treat others the way we want to be treated. The reality is we should treat others the way we think they want to be treated. And this is not just in our everyday face-to-face interactions, it’s also how we behave with others online. Kids also need to remember it’s sometimes hard to interpret meaning when there’s no intonation or body language. Therefore be careful with written words!
5
Be culturally aware
In our globalized world, our kids will come across far more cultures than previous generations. Encourage your kids to be culturally curious and to appreciate that cultures behave differently — and that’s the beauty of our world. If they are open to understanding different cultures then they’ll know how to interact with them in a way that is appropriate.
6
Table manners
In reality this could be a whole article in itself! Yet the rise in TV dinners and takeaways means that kids are losing the art of eating correctly. While it can be a bit daunting for the most mannerly of people to eat with a full table service — although there are plenty of online tutorials if you have a special event — reinforce in your kids these very basic instructions:
– Don’t start eating until everyone is ready.
– Hold silverware properly and elbows off the table.
– Don’t speak with your mouth full.
When in doubt, follow the host and what they are doing.
7
Be curious but not intrusive
We live in a society where lots of people share every element of their lives. However, not everybody wants to reveal everything about themselves. Whereas it’s nice to show an interest, the balance can be a little tricky to master as you don’t want to ask questions that might make others feel uncomfortable.
You can ask indirect questions or really general ones, but it is best to let people volunteer key information when they’re ready. This is the reason why British people permanently talk about the weather!
8
Physical appearance
Fashion and the way we dress constantly changes but there are always some essentials to adhere to, especially in the working world. This is a question of making an effort so that you show others you’re respecting them.
From ensuring your clothes are cleaned and pressed, shoes are polished, to making sure you’re clean and not wearing an over-powering perfume (don’t impose your taste in strong fragrances!), the finer details count.
And remember, when going to church the same applies. Kids could consider what they’d wear to Mass and adapt it to work.
Finally, don’t slouch! Hold your head up high and take an interest in the world around you! Good luck.
And today we celebrate...