Love is a wonderful thing and if you are called to marriage, God has thought of someone with whom you can grow and flourish, a person who will help you to be the best version of yourself and encourage you to develop your talent. Recognizing this person requires a period of dating and courting: a time to get to know each other and to spend time with each other. It’s time you need to build a bond that will allow you to know if it’s possible to share the rest of your lives together and build a shared life in accordance with the happiness God wants for you.
What are some of the characteristics that you should look for in this person, your potential spouse?
Someone who knows you as you really are
Someone who looks deeply into you. Someone who seeks your heart and wants to know you as a person. Someone who loves you not for what you have or do, but for who you are. Over time, a person’s identity is the only thing that remains. When a person sees you as you are, they can help you to know yourself better and to grow, bringing out the best in you.
Someone who sees you this way isn’t just interested in some part of you; they love the whole you, with your virtues and defects, and they want to be totally committed to you for the rest of their life.
Someone who shows their love in action
It’s not enough to have good intentions. If someone loves you, they need to show it with concrete actions that support you and show you their true intentions. It’s a good sign when they thank you for the good things you do, when you see them perform acts of generosity, or when you see them rejoice in your success or those of other people.
If a person treats you with respect and tenderness in little details, this indicates that they recognize that you deserve to be treated well and they are willing to see to that.
Someone who wants you to be happy, above all
No one’s happiness depends entirely on someone else, but if the other person wants you to be happy it means they will be really committed to trying to make it happen. Love isn’t egoistic. It wants what’s good for the other person, even when this requires making slow progress through daily sacrifices.
Someone who wants you to be happy will be ready to be your friend, first of all. Friends seek what is good for the other person, enjoy the time they spend together, and engage in activities that enrich each other and favor dialogue and sharing. Doing things together as friends creates good memories and strengthens our mutual trust and understanding, which are essential for a healthy romantic relationship.
Someone you find physically attractive
The physical side of love is important. It’s not enough for you to be interested in each other, to care about each other, or to share values. Those things are necessary, but generally not sufficient for marriage. That doesn’t mean that every person you find attractive is the right one for you, just as we can’t expect the right person to be a supermodel.
Physical attraction isn’t everything, nor the main thing, but it is a fundamental aspect that tells us there’s more going on than deep affection, which can be shared by people in a platonic relationship.
Someone who shares your values
Values are fundamental beliefs that affect the decisions we make throughout our lives. They define our position on subjects like the raising and education of children, for example. Each one of us is constantly making decisions based on our values: what we think is right.
When we accept something that doesn’t fit with our fundamental values, we feel uncomfortable, and in some way dishonest towards ourselves. It’s important to share our fundamental values with our potential spouse as a foundation for building a relationship in the future.
Someone who is open to God
God gives us opportunities to love, but the choice we make to actually love someone and commit to doing so for the rest of our lives is a great act of personal love. It requires responsible reflection regarding practical aspects of life, so we can determine whether or not it will be possible for us to share a life with that person.
A person who is willing to make space for God in their life is someone who will become a channel of goodness and forgiveness, a fountain of love who will make our relationship grow and fill it with faith. Sharing a relationship with God can help us do extraordinary things. God’s loving plan for us can lead us to form a holy and happy marriage bond.
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